When I was first able to really talk about the loss of our unborn daughter Rachel, I met a wonderful Australian blogger who wrote her name in the sand at the sea and sent the photo to me. The object of this is to see that loved ones name and then know at some point the tide will come in and wash it away. The feeling it gave me made me feel a little better. But I know one day this beautiful child and I will be reunited in heaven with the phamily and that gives me great peace.
Losing this precious little life came on a beautiful Spring like day. I just knew in my heart she was no longer living. An appointment with the meanest doctor confirmed my fears. His unkind heart will forever be a reminder of that fateful day but I do not dwell on it. I remember the little life who once kicked and fussed for the first six months of her tiny life in-utero. I concentrate on the grace Christ provided for me, the many beautiful hearts who surrounded us in prayer and the thoughtfulness of many who shared their own stories of loss with me. The sadness happened on the same date as my big sis Patricia, celebrated another birthday, March 27, 1987. Little did I know I would lose that precious sissy years later, February 2001. Because of my VP Shunt and the fact that I had to have an antibiotic until the birth of this beautiful unborn but deceased child was difficult to say the least. She was delivered on April 17, 1987 without much fanfare. The moments we were allowed alone with her are forever etched inside my heart. A nearly perfect little person with ten fingers and ten matching toes. Long legs like her father and a beautiful little person who passed away for unknown reasons.
"Small Bump"
[Verse 1:]
You're just a small bump unborn, in four months you're brought to life,
You might be left with my hair, but you'll have your mother's eyes,
I'll hold your body in my hands, be as gentle as I can,
But for now you're scan of my unmade plans,
[album version:] A small bump in four months you're brought to life
[acoustic version:] A small bump in four months you'll open your eyes
[Pre-Chorus:]
[album version:] I'll whisper quietly, I'll give you nothing but truth,
[acoustic version:] I'll hold you tightly, I'll give you nothing but truth,
If you're not inside me, I'll put my future in you
[Chorus:]
You are my one and only.
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
Oh, you are my one and only.
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
And you'll be alright.
[Verse 2:]
Oh, you're just a small bump unknown, you'll grow into your skin.
With a smile like hers and a dimple beneath your chin.
Finger nails the size of a half grain of rice,
And eyelids closed to be soon opened wide
A small bump, in four months you'll open your eyes.
[Pre-Chorus:]
[album version:] And I'll hold you tightly, I'll tell you nothing but truth,
[acoustic version:] And I'll hold you tightly, I'll give you nothing but truth,
If you're not inside me, I'll put my future in you
[Chorus:]
You are my one and only.
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
Oh, you are my one and only.
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
And you'll be alright.
[Bridge:]
And you can lie with me,
With your tiny feet
When you're half asleep,
I'll leave you be.
Right in front of me
For a couple weeks
So I can keep you safe.
[Chorus:]
'Cause you are my one and only.
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
You are my one and only.
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
And you'll be alright.
[Verse 4:]
'Cause you were just a small bump unborn for four months then torn from life.
Maybe you were needed up there but we're still unaware as why.
You're just a small bump unborn, in four months you're brought to life,
You might be left with my hair, but you'll have your mother's eyes,
I'll hold your body in my hands, be as gentle as I can,
But for now you're scan of my unmade plans,
[album version:] A small bump in four months you're brought to life
[acoustic version:] A small bump in four months you'll open your eyes
[Pre-Chorus:]
[album version:] I'll whisper quietly, I'll give you nothing but truth,
[acoustic version:] I'll hold you tightly, I'll give you nothing but truth,
If you're not inside me, I'll put my future in you
[Chorus:]
You are my one and only.
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
Oh, you are my one and only.
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
And you'll be alright.
[Verse 2:]
Oh, you're just a small bump unknown, you'll grow into your skin.
With a smile like hers and a dimple beneath your chin.
Finger nails the size of a half grain of rice,
And eyelids closed to be soon opened wide
A small bump, in four months you'll open your eyes.
[Pre-Chorus:]
[album version:] And I'll hold you tightly, I'll tell you nothing but truth,
[acoustic version:] And I'll hold you tightly, I'll give you nothing but truth,
If you're not inside me, I'll put my future in you
[Chorus:]
You are my one and only.
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
Oh, you are my one and only.
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
And you'll be alright.
[Bridge:]
And you can lie with me,
With your tiny feet
When you're half asleep,
I'll leave you be.
Right in front of me
For a couple weeks
So I can keep you safe.
[Chorus:]
'Cause you are my one and only.
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
You are my one and only.
You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.
And you'll be alright.
[Verse 4:]
'Cause you were just a small bump unborn for four months then torn from life.
Maybe you were needed up there but we're still unaware as why.
This song was written by Ed Sheeran when his friends lost an unborn child. He said he tried to write it from their perspective. I found this song and dedicated it to my girl Rachel.
I want to hang this sign outside my house. Some days the cats are more naughty than the dogs.
This google image made me laugh! Looks like these two were figuring their taxes as that deadline is approaching on Monday! They don't look very happy, no refund perhaps, for more dog bones and cat treats! I hope you visit Aw...Monday and join Sandee and others who share some super fun and cute pets each Monday.
Brittany and Jeremy, they are so happy. It is getting very exciting, getting so close to the wedding date. Thirteen days to go.
Maxine seems to have an opinion on everything, including Tax Day. Don't forget, it is Monday April 18th!
I was sorry to hear about Rachel.
ReplyDeleteWhen my second son was born I went to the hospital two weeks early. We were living in Sicily and the Naval Hospital was in Naples, so they sent us two weeks before our due date. I lived at the hospital with a few other ladies who were also waiting. Carol and I became friends. A couple of days before she went into labor she told me that she hadn't felt the baby move for a few days. I reassured her that it probably meant she was going into labor. (I don't know where I got that idea.) Anyway, she went into labor and I timed her contractions until they took her downstairs to the labor room. I went for breakfast and came back to the OB floor. A nurse took me aside and told me that Carol's baby had been stillborn. I was shocked. Her baby was born on October 13, 1970 and I've never forgotten. My son was born on October 20, 1970. Every time something happened in his life...starting preschool, kindergarten, graduating high school, getting married, etc., I've always thought of Carol's baby and what Carol was missing. I don't know what happened to Carol, but every October 13th I pause and remember.
I too am sorry to hear about Rachel. I can't imagine. I just can't imagine.
ReplyDeleteLove the smart cat and dog. Awww.
I too love Maxine. She's so like me.
Have a terrific Awww Monday. Big hugs. ♥♥♥
so sad to hear about Rachel.
ReplyDelete♡ sad. Rachel is in heaven waiting for you.
ReplyDeleteAnne, so sorry - you never forget a child who was not born - I don't know how many people I counseled with this never-ending pain. But it's okay to go on with living, because this baby would want you to be happy! Also, it's not a shame needing some therapy for that what happened 20-30 years ago - it is never wasted!
ReplyDeleteHope one day you will resolve this and able to enjoy life more!
and doing the things you like to do, like Seasons - just kidding:):) But I sincerely hope you will come to that point.
wonderful post
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about Rachel. My heart goes out to you.
ReplyDeleteThe kitty and dog are cute! We're so glad tax day is over!
I'm sad to read about your precious Rachel. You never forget.
ReplyDeleteDear Anne, I can well imagine how sad it is to lose a child that way. We lost a baby at nearly six months when I had a terrible fall that disconnected the baby. My doctor said it could not be the reason but I knew it was. We never forget but life does go on and we had three children after that happened without a hitch. I have never shared this but I know it must be a part of healing for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your sweet comment on my blue Monday post. We were gone for the weekend and I am late visiting my many friends that joined Blue Monday.
I know Jeremy and Brittany are excited about their wedding day. Love the photos you shared. I wish them all the happiness possible on their special day. The photo with the Ninja Turtles is a great moment. Big smile here.
Hugs,
Jeanne
I'm so sorry to hear that you lost a precious baby in utero, Anne. I know how you must mourn for her, both the day she was delivered stillborn and the your due date. She is an angel watching over you forever, and one day you will see her again in heaven. {{{ hugs}}}
ReplyDeleteI feel for you, Anne. Your baby's playing with my baby Angelino, who lived for only 8 days. We both have angels in heaven and we will see them again someday....Christine
ReplyDeleteSo moving and beautifully written Anne, I am so sorry about Rachel. It makes me realise how fortunate I have been in the lottery of life. I am glad you have the happy wedding to look forward too. In fact I so love the way you transitioned through your blog from your heartache to the Ninja Turtle and the sentiment that whilst you will never forget, life goes on.
ReplyDeleteA massive hug to you this week as always
Wren x