Tuesday, March 23, 2021




 I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.  
A cold seat in a public restroom is unpleasant.  A warm seat in a public
 restroom is worse.
Apparently RSVP’ing to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time,”
 isn’t the correct response.
Don’t irritate old people. The older we get, the less “Life in prison” 
is a deterrent.
Have you ever listened to someone for a minute and thought 
“Their cornbread isn't done in the middle.”
Aliens probably fly by earth and lock their doors.
“You will hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge
 in front of me because you saw that sign 2 miles ago like I did."
I really don’t mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.
It turns out that being an adult now is mostly just googling how 
to do stuff.
I miss the 90’s when bread was still good for you and no one
 knew what kale was.
Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and 
think “That can’t be accurate.”
I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
As I watch this new generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I’m
 sure will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an
 appointment for Tuesday. 
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves 
at the same time he does.
My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants 
where they make food right in front of you.  I took her to Subway.
I picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasn’t afraid, he 
might be a serial killer?  I told him the odds of two serial killers
 being in the same car were extremely unlikely.
I went line dancing last night. OK, it was a roadside 
sobriety test... same thing.

Needed a break from my daily life. My friend Lyn sent
 this to me. Had to share it.

Sweet Dreams all, take care xo 


Ginny Hartzler said...

These are really good, but quite a few are incomplete.

Mevely317 said...

Sharing! If I can ever stop laughing, that is. Thanks for making my day!

Sandee said...

Some of them are cut off, but I get the humor in them.

Thank you for joining the Happy Tuesday Blog Hop.

Hope you have a fabulous day. Love and hugs. ♥

Edna B said...

I love the one about the two diets. How true it is! hahaha. You have a wonderful day, hugs, Edna B.

Brian said...

Those are true, true and more true!

pilch92 said...

These are great! I like maybe next time as a wedding RSVP. :) XO

messymimi said...

These are funny, although i couldn't read the endings on some of them. It happens sometimes on my blog, and i still haven't figured out what happens.